(30/08/2024-02/09/2024) JuneDave (pepsicola) fanfic inspired by that bike love story I've heard on NYT podcast: Modern Love.
NON CANON COMPLIANT where June and Jade are college roomies (because I said so) hahaha of course it's SELF INDULGENT

JuneDave (pepsicola) fanfic inspired by stories I hear on NYT podcast: Modern Love.
NON CANON COMPLIANT where June and Jade are college roomies (because I said so), SUPER SELF INDULGENT

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I felt my voice softer than usual... I wish it came out like this more often.

I never really told anyone about this... but... "Jade... understands..." I hoped.

I clasped my hands together, knowing I didn’t sound convincing. The silence hung heavily in the air, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at Jade.

Jade had a way of being patient, of just listening...

My fingers nervously played with the hem of my skirt.

I don't know... but I feel --know-- I'd something wrong.

Jade's hands were warm over mine, like a nice blanket in winter. I felt cold. I heard the rustling of clothes as she adjusted her position to face me.

Just like that, I felt my brain shaking. I took a deep breath, memories swirling back, warm and bittersweet.

With each word, the memories grew clearer... and with them, a familiar pair of aviators.

Jade chuckled, but there was an edge to it, something almost melancholic. I felt a pang of guilt, bringing back old memories... like mine didn’t matter anymore. "did they ever matter?"

Jade’s hand found mine, giving it a gentle squeeze.

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Dad and I were living in a small, boring town that felt like the universe was trapped in one place, suffocating and never-ending at the same time.

A stupid smile crept onto my lips, and Jane noticed, mirroring it.

The first time I saw him, he was sitting on the sidewalk, flipping through his new phone with that cool, disinterested vibe. He was wearing his usual sunglasses, even though it was late afternoon and the sun was sinking behind the clouds. "what a dork" I thought. I was on my way back from an errand, lost in thoughts too big for my head, when he looked up at me.

I blinked, surprised... heck...

I blinked again.

And just like that, we were friends.

Though I didn’t have the words for it back then. We spent the rest of that summer playing video games, making fun of terrible movies, and talking about things that didn't seem to matter to anyone else.

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One day, we were sitting on my bedroom floor, the afternoon light slanting through the curtains. Dave was leaning against my bed, his sunglasses pushed up on his head, focused on beating the 1989 Prince of Persia we’d been stuck on for days.

I started, my voice quieter than I intended.

He didn't look away from the screen, his shades mirroring the pixel dungeons we've grown very familiar of. I couldn't tell if he was looking my way, but he was certainly listening. Dave had this way of being completely absorbed in what he was doing, while also being hyper-aware of everything else. It was one of the things I liked most about him...

I smiled a little at that, but my heart was racing. This was it. I had to say it, or I’d burst.

We stayed silent for a bit, I was listening to the clicking of Dave's controller.

I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears amidst the silence. I had to say something, anything to get it to shut up.

I felt this wave of relief wash over me, like I’d been holding my breath for years and didn’t even know it. I wanted to tell him everything, about how I’d been feeling, about how sometimes I’d look in the mirror and see someone who... cant't be me. But the words got stuck, so I just said...

After that, things were different between us, but in a way that felt right, like everything had clicked into place. The rest of that summer was a blur of endless games, late-night conversations, and the warmth of Dave’s presence. He was my best friend, and I thought that was all it would ever be. But deep down, I knew... that I wanted something more.

But at the time, I was too scared to admit it, even to myself.

But they did. They hurt like hell.

As the summer began to wind down, I started to feel this gnawing sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want it to end-this bubble we’d created where everything was okay and I could just be June with him. But I knew that school would start soon, and everything would change.

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One evening, the day before the first day of school, we were in front of my Dad's house. Dave was messing with his camera, browsing the pics he just took for his video projects, he wanted to be an art student I recall. I was quiet, I don't remember very well what I was thinking.

He took off his shades casually and examined the camera lens. I looked over at him, his head was bended, I could only see his soft hair trail down his forehead elegantly, it did distract me from staring off into space.

I couldn't anything for a moment. He just slightly lifted his head to looked at me. I could barely see his expression.

I turned my head to look away. Suprisingly, the dull decor of the surrounding neighborhood felt much more comfortable than looking at him. I wish he wore his usual shades then, maybe I would have felt more confident.

I hesitated, then finally blurted out.

He sighed audibly, with half chuckle. I could distinctively see a faint smile traced on his lips, some of his crooked teeth showing.

Dave laughed. His head rolled back as he clutched his stomach and hide his eyes, laughing...

Dave reached into his pocket, pulling out something small, I couldn't discern what it was until he jiggled it before my eyes.

I didn't knew which way to look. On one hand, I had before me the...

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Dave just kept rambling and rambling about that pickle. He mistook my silence for interest for his ironic gift. But I weren't looking at the keychain, rather through them.

So school was there a couple of days after that and, I wore the keychain on my backpack, feeling like it was a little piece of him with me. But when I looked for him at lunch, he wasn’t there. I didn’t see him all day, and when I walked home, his house was quiet, no sign of him anywhere.

I tried to call him, but it went straight to voicemail. The school days stretched on, and I kept waiting, kept hoping he’d show up, but he never did. It was like he’d vanished, leaving only that keychain behind, like some kind of ghost... I tried knocking on his house but... only his brother would show up, give me a condescending look and... just close the door.

I sat on my bed, staring at the keychain and feeling that familiar twist of confusion, anger, and something else I didn’t want to name. He’d promised. He said nothing had to change, but it did. Everything did.

Weeks later, I heard from a mutual friend that Dave had moved. Just like that. No goodbye, no explanation. He was gone.

Maybe it was easier for him, disappearing like that. But it hurt, more than I wanted to admit. He was the first person who made me feel seen, like I could be June and it was okay. And then he was gone.
Jade kept listening to me, looking at my soft tears damping my cheeks, she wanted to tell me something but, words were at the tip of her tongue, refusing to be heard...so she kept silent.

In some ways, I think that was the first time I really understood what it meant to care about someone, to really like them in a way that went beyond anything I’d read in books or seen in movies. It was real, and it mattered, even if it didn’t last.

And maybe, wherever he is, he still remembers that summer too. Maybe he still has the other half of that promise, even if he couldn’t keep it.

Because for a while, we were just two kids who found something real...